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Um...
A few weeks ago I got back in contact with a former boyfriend. A mutual friend passed away unexpectedly (seriously, an aneurysm in her 30s); in light of that, holding on to fifteen years of hurt suddenly seemed rather pointless.
One of the first things he asked me was "How have you been?"
Um...
A lot of things have changed in the time since we were together. Some things haven't. I'm still single mom to a daughter I believe is biologically his -- he was gone before a paternity test was possible, another man stepped up to be the name on her birth certificate, so there was no point to going to the pain and expense of finding out for sure. My daughter is a scary beautiful young woman now. She challenges me and makes me pull my hair out daily and is one of the greatest joys in my life. I feel sorry for my ex that he gave up the chance to know her.
How do you explain to someone that he's missed out on what could have been the most incredible years possible? How do you express pity that he wasn't there for first steps, slobbery Kool-Aid kisses, pouting fits, slammed doors and sleepily whispered "I love you"s?How do you get across that running two months into the pregnancy was the worst mistake of his life? Even better, how do you say all that without sounding bitter, accusatory or like you're looking for money?
I sure as hell don't know.
So I sent him this picture.
It was the only way I could think of to give him any clue about what he's missed over the last decade and a half.
I hope he understands.
This has been my entry for Week 2 of the mini-season for LJ Idol. Yes, that really is my 14-year-old daughter. Yes, I am fully aware that I am beyond doomed, thank you.
One of the first things he asked me was "How have you been?"
Um...
A lot of things have changed in the time since we were together. Some things haven't. I'm still single mom to a daughter I believe is biologically his -- he was gone before a paternity test was possible, another man stepped up to be the name on her birth certificate, so there was no point to going to the pain and expense of finding out for sure. My daughter is a scary beautiful young woman now. She challenges me and makes me pull my hair out daily and is one of the greatest joys in my life. I feel sorry for my ex that he gave up the chance to know her.
How do you explain to someone that he's missed out on what could have been the most incredible years possible? How do you express pity that he wasn't there for first steps, slobbery Kool-Aid kisses, pouting fits, slammed doors and sleepily whispered "I love you"s?How do you get across that running two months into the pregnancy was the worst mistake of his life? Even better, how do you say all that without sounding bitter, accusatory or like you're looking for money?
I sure as hell don't know.
So I sent him this picture.
It was the only way I could think of to give him any clue about what he's missed over the last decade and a half.
I hope he understands.
This has been my entry for Week 2 of the mini-season for LJ Idol. Yes, that really is my 14-year-old daughter. Yes, I am fully aware that I am beyond doomed, thank you.