Nattering about moving

[deza]

Andrew and I have been talking a lot about where to go once we're done here at Lejeune. It's all very speculative right now; we won't even know what his options are until sometime this fall.

One of the things we've been discussing is the kids and I living in one place, while he goes wherever with the Navy. Our thoughts on this are:

• My medical care will be a lot easier if I'm not changing doctors every other year.
• The kids will benefit by not changing schools every year. This past year, they went to THREE different schools! Next year will be only the second time they've gone a full school year in one school (knock on wood).
• Many of the upcoming tour possibilities for Andrew would have him so busy he wouldn't have much time to spend with family even if we were in the same house (2nd tour DivO, multiple training schools, etc.).
• Building up equity in a house is a good idea, and with house prices so low now is a good time to consider that investment.
• Andrew has more flexibility in the postings he can consider if he doesn't have to bend over backwards accomodating my medical needs. He can concentrate on the best move for his career, instead of "Well, I need to be at one of these three bases because they've got good hospitals."

It's actually been a really rough set of discussions. Our relationship is rocky at the best of times; my insecurities have a tendency to take over. Now that I'm so physically helpless, it's even worse for me. I'm not comfortable being completely dependent on someone else under any circumstances. That has a strong tendency to manifest as OMGWTFBBQ reactions to seeing him associating with other women, especially when I perceive those women as being more attractive than I am. No matter how much weight I lose, the likelihood of my perceiving myself as attractive while I'm in a wheelchair is pretty slim. There's also the envy of being able to go out and do things, which is another hard thing to handle.

What we've decided we need for me to be able to live elsewhere has been (by comparison) easy to define:

• An adult live-in caregiver. This person would need to ferry me to doctor appointments and grocery shopping, keep up with light housework/laundry, and make sure the kids make it to school and eat on the days I'm useless. In return, we'd provide a rent-free space, including utilities and basic groceries.
• A house with either an apartment or a separate in-law suite for said caregiver.
• A house that is either already or easily converted to wheelchair friendly. Two stories are ok as long as the master bedroom is on the main floor, and we can install either a lift or a ramp to get past any outside elevations.
• Reasonable distance to specialists doctors that can handle my issues.
• Near a military base, so we can keep using the commissary and exchange.
• Reasonable cost of living (we're thinking a house somewhere in the <$250K range).
• Close enough to an airport to make it easy for Andrew to come home.
• Near cultural opportunities for the the kids (and me, 'cause I like going to museums and aquariums too).
• Near a college, since students would really benefit from this kind of arrangement.
• In a fantastic school district.
• Space for a fenced yard.

It looks good on paper. I'm terrified of doing this - I've seen first-hand how badly a housemate arrangement can turn out. I'm also concerned about the trustworthiness of anyone coming in to this. I use drugs that have a street value, so I have to be aware of that possibility. Ideally, I'd like to have a housemate arranged before taking off on my own, since the whole not-driving thing is a big handicap in most places. The other thing to consider is where to go for this - there are a lot of communities that would work. I'd like to be reasonably close to either family or a large friendbase, just in case things do go south for a bit and I have to beg for rides.

So, anyone want to recommend places to live? We've got about 11 months to get this figured out.

Comments

[oneonthefence.livejournal.com]

No matter how much weight I lose, the likelihood of my perceiving myself as attractive while I'm in a wheelchair is pretty slim. There's also the envy of being able to go out and do things, which is another hard thing to handle.

I'm with you on this. I'm not in a wheelchair 24/7 yet, but it may be progressing that way, and despite the fact I'm now "looking thin," I still feel sick and unattractive. When people say I'm hot, I feel like saying, "you mean ME?" And then of course, there's the issue of not being able to drive or see people anyhow...

That all being said (because I'm awake and whiny right now), how about Annapolis, MD? You'd be close to an airport, the Naval Academy, and tons of great housing. Two of the world's best hospitals are here, and both are within reasonable distance of Annapolis (30 minutes). I know there are tons of respectable specialists in the area, as well as within the Baltimore area. The schools are pretty decent. Plus - you guys would only be 40-ish minutes from me. We may actually be able to say hi to each other in person sometime in this life :)

Just a suggestion. But it may meet your criteria...

Atlanta...

[onmyownterms.livejournal.com]

There is a Navy base here, and also Fort McPherson. You've got Emory here - with fantastic doctors. It's possible to find some great houses for < 250k as long as you don't mind the outskirts of town. Lots of cultural opportunities for the kids. GA State, UGA, GA Tech all nearby from a college perspetive. As for airports, well, you have the busiest in the world here.

[supremegoddess1.livejournal.com]

Sanford, NC.

Driving distance to Fort Bragg/Pope.

Near Raleigh/Durham, which has tons of cultural opportunities and great doctors (can we say "Duke," anyone?) and about a zillion colleges/universities.

Cheap cost of living.

[millysdaughter.livejournal.com]

Navy must be very different from the Air Force...we never had "options" -- we just got orders.

[relevantpink.livejournal.com]

Hello dear! I will be giving you a proper response to you PM tonight or tomorrow, but I am curious - if you are considering Athens, is the Navy School the hospital you were thinking of? Because as far as I understand it, it is slated to close in the next year or so? I know nothing about other local hospitals that might be appropriate, so maybe you all ready knew this...

Jacksonville, FL?

[jerel.livejournal.com]

Jax is a very large city, so you've got your major hospitals, your cultural stuff, and an airport. (Although it is a smaller airport. But Daytona Beach has a larger one, and it's only an hour away.) Housing prices in FL are very reasonable right now. You've got the University of North FL and Jacksonville University there. Most of the elementary schools in the area are rated "A" (based on state test scores.)

[jennilee-rose.livejournal.com]

I wish Champaign-Urbana had a Navy base. This is a good area with good schools. There's an airport in Savoy just south of here. And excellent transit system, and UIUC or Parkland students would be good as live-in caregivers. We have lots of doctors here too what with having the area's only level 1 trauma center.

Plus you'd have me as a friend nearby to help out on occasion.

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

i'll second jacksonville, fl. we lived there for 11 years and there was always plenty to do.

[shevabree.livejournal.com]

Here we go:

1. Atlanta area
2. Buy a duplex
3. Rent other half of duplex to us.
4. You get built in playmates for the kids
5. Built in commiserating buddy in the man
6. Built in chaffeur in me as I'm already doing this

How bout that? ~.^

[shevabree.livejournal.com]

I'm good as long as we can work appointments around my school schedule and I occasionally get some 'leave me the fuck alone all you people' time ~.^

R wants to move further north anyways. The kids won't be pleased about moving schools. But the school system already did that to us when they redistricted.

Its an idea to keep in mind. I'm always full of ideas.

Atlanta

[(Anonymous)]

I am also voting for North Atl (near Athens) I miss all of you and I still need to meet Kyle. I am also housebound right now due to several medical problems..one being my back the other me having a stroke. I am not in a wheelchair as of yet..but I am using a walker..and I too am unable to drive. I have known both of you for a while and I fel as tho you two will see this through. I understand the difficulties in the relationship cat. Colin and I have been through alot. The VA clinic here in Athens is pretty good..they transport you to Augusta or Atl when needed. With the naval school closing here I am not sure how there deal with Active members..I do see alot of Actives at the clinic when I go.