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You Might Be A Handicapped Redneck If
Jun. 9th, 2010 10:59 am.... Any part of your wheelchair is painted in camouflage.
.... You have a wheelchair up on blocks in your front yard.
.... You rigged up a beer cooler powered off your chair batteries.
.... You wear cowboy, biker, or work boots, even though they're hard to put on and you can't walk anyway.
.... You adjusted your headrest so it'll stop knocking off your hat.
.... You installed a gun rack on the back of your wheelchair.
.... Your joystick [which does not live up to its name] is a billiard ball, stick shift knob, beer tap, or similar item.
.... You ever thought about jacking your chair up 2 or 3 feet, "Monster Truck' style.
.... You have knobby mud tires - that never get dirty.
.... You installed a horn so your chair will squeal like a hog - or scare people like a semi tractor/trailer.
.... You installed a whip antenna so you can fly the stars and bars!
.... There is a 'Harley' decal or emblem permanently attached to your chair.
.... You installed a CB under your chair.
.... You replaced your seat with a Barco or Lazy Boy Lounger.
.... You found the above Lounger abandoned on the side of the road.
.... There is some anatomical portion of a deer or raccoon decorating any part of your chair.
.... You have ever thought about smuggling moonshine in the tubing or battery compartment of the chair.
.... You, while in your wheelchair, ever created any road kill.
.... The accessories hangin' on your chair weigh more than 1/3 what your w/c does.
.... You browse truck catalogs looking for ways to amp up your wheelchair motors
.... You want to add a side-car or a 'sweet little trailer'.
.... You wear a 4 pound shiny Rodeo Champ belt buckle that your stomach folds over.
.... The fringe on your jacket and/or your bolo tie has gotten caught in your wheels - but you wear 'em anyway.
.... You regularly call Harley Davidson and ask when they're gonna start making power wheelchairs.
.... You have spent more than an hour trying to figure out where to hang fuzzy dice from your chair.
.... Duct tape plays a major role in your repair and maintenance plan.
.... You read this list and found yourself thinking, at any point, "Now that's a good idea!"
.... You have ever repainted your adaptive equipment with flames / scull 'n crossbones / flags / etc.
.... Your service dog and wallet are both on a chain.
.... Your nickname is emblazoned on your wheelchair somewhere.
.... If your service dog is a Pit Bull.
.... You've designed a quick-release colt45 holster for the armrest.
.... If you pick up and haul hitchhikers on your lap.
.... If you've fantasized about mud-wrestling your nurse.
.... If your front porch collapses and kills more than three retired service dogs.
.... If your power chair has more miles on it than your van.
.... If you can't tell what color your wheelchair is because of the mud.
.... If you're looking for somewhere to hook up a bug-zapper on your powerchair.
.... If you're pissed because spinner rims aren't available for wheelchairs.
.... If you've made your own spinner rims with lazy-suzan turntables and aluminum foil.
.... If your wheelchair has Yosemite Sam mudflaps (or the chrome bolt on go-go dancers)..
.... If your other adaptive chair is made of stacked beer cans.
.... If you've been towed home sitting in your chair 'cuz of dead batteries. (chained behind a truck/car)
.... If you've been towed home sitting in your chair 'cuz of wet wiring from car wash.
.... If you've been towed down the road in your chair just for shitz 'n grinz. ("Road Skiing")
.... If your power chair has a [chrome] roll bar and KC light covers.
.... If you've bolted a chrome tailpipe tip to the bottom of your powerchair.
.... If you've handed your beer to a friend saying, "Watch THIS" just before you woke up in the ER.
.... You have a wheelchair up on blocks in your front yard.
.... You rigged up a beer cooler powered off your chair batteries.
.... You wear cowboy, biker, or work boots, even though they're hard to put on and you can't walk anyway.
.... You adjusted your headrest so it'll stop knocking off your hat.
.... You installed a gun rack on the back of your wheelchair.
.... Your joystick [which does not live up to its name] is a billiard ball, stick shift knob, beer tap, or similar item.
.... You ever thought about jacking your chair up 2 or 3 feet, "Monster Truck' style.
.... You have knobby mud tires - that never get dirty.
.... You installed a horn so your chair will squeal like a hog - or scare people like a semi tractor/trailer.
.... You installed a whip antenna so you can fly the stars and bars!
.... There is a 'Harley' decal or emblem permanently attached to your chair.
.... You installed a CB under your chair.
.... You replaced your seat with a Barco or Lazy Boy Lounger.
.... You found the above Lounger abandoned on the side of the road.
.... There is some anatomical portion of a deer or raccoon decorating any part of your chair.
.... You have ever thought about smuggling moonshine in the tubing or battery compartment of the chair.
.... You, while in your wheelchair, ever created any road kill.
.... The accessories hangin' on your chair weigh more than 1/3 what your w/c does.
.... You browse truck catalogs looking for ways to amp up your wheelchair motors
.... You want to add a side-car or a 'sweet little trailer'.
.... You wear a 4 pound shiny Rodeo Champ belt buckle that your stomach folds over.
.... The fringe on your jacket and/or your bolo tie has gotten caught in your wheels - but you wear 'em anyway.
.... You regularly call Harley Davidson and ask when they're gonna start making power wheelchairs.
.... You have spent more than an hour trying to figure out where to hang fuzzy dice from your chair.
.... Duct tape plays a major role in your repair and maintenance plan.
.... You read this list and found yourself thinking, at any point, "Now that's a good idea!"
.... You have ever repainted your adaptive equipment with flames / scull 'n crossbones / flags / etc.
.... Your service dog and wallet are both on a chain.
.... Your nickname is emblazoned on your wheelchair somewhere.
.... If your service dog is a Pit Bull.
.... You've designed a quick-release colt45 holster for the armrest.
.... If you pick up and haul hitchhikers on your lap.
.... If you've fantasized about mud-wrestling your nurse.
.... If your front porch collapses and kills more than three retired service dogs.
.... If your power chair has more miles on it than your van.
.... If you can't tell what color your wheelchair is because of the mud.
.... If you're looking for somewhere to hook up a bug-zapper on your powerchair.
.... If you're pissed because spinner rims aren't available for wheelchairs.
.... If you've made your own spinner rims with lazy-suzan turntables and aluminum foil.
.... If your wheelchair has Yosemite Sam mudflaps (or the chrome bolt on go-go dancers)..
.... If your other adaptive chair is made of stacked beer cans.
.... If you've been towed home sitting in your chair 'cuz of dead batteries. (chained behind a truck/car)
.... If you've been towed home sitting in your chair 'cuz of wet wiring from car wash.
.... If you've been towed down the road in your chair just for shitz 'n grinz. ("Road Skiing")
.... If your power chair has a [chrome] roll bar and KC light covers.
.... If you've bolted a chrome tailpipe tip to the bottom of your powerchair.
.... If you've handed your beer to a friend saying, "Watch THIS" just before you woke up in the ER.
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