(no subject)

[deza]

What a day.

Well, I thought I was having a thyroid biopsy today. I didn't take any of my meds before going to EndoDoc's office, because I didn't want to risk them causing a problem with getting the biopsy done. Then I got there and... she decided not to do it. She ended up drawing another vial of blood (I still have the bruise from the blood they drew last week) and will be checking my T3 and T4 levels again--if they're still high, she'll be starting me on low-dose thyroid meds. Gee, isn't that what I asked her to do when I first went to the office in March?

It was noon by the time we made it home (mom drove, thinking I'd be groggy after the biopsy. I'm glad she did, or I'd have never made it back). By that time, I was in so much pain I was sobbing and begging the kids to stop playing in the back seat, jostling the car and making me hurt more. What kind of mom asks her kids to stop playing?

I ended up crashing for the rest of the day. It's 9 now, I've been awake for maybe two hours and I just want to go back to bed again. *sigh* Days like this make me feel like I'm shortchanging my kids. I want to be able to do things with them, like the volcano we built together yesterday. I want to go hiking and swimming and ride bikes with them. I hate it when they have to look out for themselves all day because I'm too damn sick to be a mom.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Comments

[carisjax.livejournal.com]

You were tired.
You were hurting.

You committed neither crime nor sin by asking your kids to be quiet for at worst a couple of hours. I am pretty sure that both of them are old enough to understand the situation. They are kids and might not be as generous as they should be, but as long as you let them know you love them and that you are not doing these things deliberately to bother them or on a whim in time they will come to terms.

Yes, this is a sucky situation, and I am sorry that you and your family have to go through this. The solution is not to beat yourself up more over things you have no control over. It is to do the best you can, and if you slip up, you offer an appology and do your best to make it better. That is all you can and should do.

Now, forgive yourself.
Give yourself some slack.
Go give your kids some hugs when you are up to it.

[thewenchywiccan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You have awesome kids (because they have an awesome Mom who cares about them very much even though she's hurting) and I know they understand. :) ♥

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

You do your best.

[yndy.livejournal.com]

I wanted to have a really good answer for this - but I've been to depressed about my own "lack of mom" ability lately.

I saw a bunch of stuff I did for my kidlet when she was 3... and thought "and I thought I was exhausted & in pain and short-changing her then" :(

Hang in there hon - in the end, we're the best moms we can be. It's not saying much some days - but it's a heckuva lot better than not being there at all.

(((hug)))

[wombathouse.livejournal.com]

Seconded to all the above. Please take just 1 short moment and remember how many kids in the world have abusive parents, simply uncaring parents, no parents....

You love your kids. You care about doing your best for them. So that's what you're doing, axiomatically.

What they will remember about you and learn from you is what you give them, not what you thought you should give them but couldn't. Please don't waste their time or yours on useless, draining self-recrimination.

Whew, I don't have an opinion or anything, huh?

(((gentle hugs))) hope less pain soon.

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

you know i have the two imps, 26 and 16. and that the older got here wednesday, after not seeing her for a year, after the boy has been here since the last part of june.

with that age difference, it was almost having two families. and they DEFINITELY had different mamas. beth had the mama that DID go hiking and to the beach, and everything else. ian cannot REMEMBER me going to the beach. at all. he can only remember me sick, and trying to do nice things, and getting sicker because of it. i'm sick from taking them to the zoo right now. i'm not sure if i'm going to make it back to my parents' tonight to see my daughter before she leaves (she understands that).

but...damn. and yes even when your kids are SURE to understand, you still get the guilt feelings. *hugs you very gently*