LJ Idol Week 12 – Throw Back – Sexual Ethics

[deza]

As we sit in the moonlit garden together, I know this is the moment of decision. Staying here with him, our hands tentatively exploring each other’s bodies, will lead to a certain conclusion. This is the point where I choose between the safe, single life I’ve been living and jumping into a relationship fraught with the dangers of the unknown.

When we first met, I was struck by his humor, his style and his warm brown eyes. His touch was breathtaking, and I told myself to ignore the danger to my care-free single state. It was worth it for the free-fall of adrenaline I feel when we are together.

For many people, these feelings are common. Some college kids fall in and out of love as easily as falling in and out of beds.

My heart is too fragile, after so much pain. Statistically, one out of four women are sexually assaulted on college campuses. Three out of four of those survivors drop out of school. I’m in the first statistic; having recently wrapped up grad school, I’m very proud to be an exception of the second.

Yet here I am, standing with a group of kids on another college campus. I am desperate to reclaim the gaiety I feel is my young-20s due. I keep myself in a social whirlwind of disposable boys rather than risking having my heart broken yet again by a man I should never have trusted in the first place. In all this time, I haven’t learned a thing.

In this garden, knowing a new life is growing within me, that determined singlehood will end in a glorious capitulation. Flung into a serious relationship by the needs of someone I have yet to meet. My life as I know it will end in one last set of arms.

I gasp for air. His lips are hot on my neck, his arms wrapped around me. My hands tremble on his shoulders. My hormones are surging.

Now, I know, is the time to claim this new life, to fling myself wildly into the opportunities I’ve let slip by me. To leave the guard rails behind and go headfirst over the side.

This has been my entry for Week 12 of LJ Idol. This week is the contest's Intersection challenge, where writers team up with partners for their entry. My partner, rivermirage, has her entry here.

Comments

[crimsonplum.livejournal.com]

Really, really nice tie-in. And I love your voice here. :)