(no subject)
Sep. 23rd, 2010 10:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dezaI am... not doing so very well.
The rug was pulled out from under my feet yesterday. I've told myself for years now that I'm ok, I've got it together, I can get through anything. Yesterday I found out that I'm mentally messed up enough to count as disabled on just that.
Well, that explains my writing, at least.
This has thrown me for a serious loop. I'm not ok. I'm not completely sane. I'm not even coping so well. Going through even a fraction of my past left me crying for hours afterward. Today, I'm emotionally spent. I've been crying off an on again, but for the most part I just feel dead inside. Andrew's tried to cheer me up, but his brand of morbid humor's been missing the mark on this. A for effort, though.
Gods, now I sound like the original Emo.
The psychologist asked if I'm suicidal. I said no, because suicide would keep my family from getting as much of a death benefit. I'm alive, but not for the right reasons.
This post brought to you be the letters W, A, and H.
Hopefully I'll be back to my normal self soon.
The rug was pulled out from under my feet yesterday. I've told myself for years now that I'm ok, I've got it together, I can get through anything. Yesterday I found out that I'm mentally messed up enough to count as disabled on just that.
Well, that explains my writing, at least.
This has thrown me for a serious loop. I'm not ok. I'm not completely sane. I'm not even coping so well. Going through even a fraction of my past left me crying for hours afterward. Today, I'm emotionally spent. I've been crying off an on again, but for the most part I just feel dead inside. Andrew's tried to cheer me up, but his brand of morbid humor's been missing the mark on this. A for effort, though.
Gods, now I sound like the original Emo.
The psychologist asked if I'm suicidal. I said no, because suicide would keep my family from getting as much of a death benefit. I'm alive, but not for the right reasons.
This post brought to you be the letters W, A, and H.
Hopefully I'll be back to my normal self soon.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-24 02:32 am (UTC)You've been through a lot. I recognize the symptoms I was showing when my bursitis made it very difficult to sit. Think how that kills a lot of social interaction, not sitting.
I don't know how well you'll do with all of this, but I know you're much stronger than I'd expect to be in your situation. If we're ever in the same city, I want to wheel you around and show you what ever sights are at hand. I've got my heart set on the Roosevelt memorial.
I have great trust and belief in your strength.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-24 10:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-24 11:45 pm (UTC)