LJI Week 6: Step On a Crack

[deza]

"Step on a crack, break your mother's back.
Step on a line, break your mother's spine."

We've all heard the rhyme, right? Obviously it's not to be taken literally. While sympathetic magic would allow for the transference of similarities between a crack and a spinal column, the amount of energy needed to make that work as a spell would be outside the realm of a child's rhyme.

That's not to say that children don't hurt their mothers. My kids generally manage to wound me at least once a week. It's just the slings and barbs from kids don't often leave physical marks or broken bones.

"I don't care."
"I hate you!"
"Why should I?"
"No one cares about me."
"You're trying to ruin my life!"
"You don't really love me."

Such simple words. It all makes you bleed on the inside, though. Even knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the words aren't meant, that it's just something said in anger, that they have no idea how it tears you apart inside -- it still hurts. I can say from experience that having a fracture in your C3 and C4 hurts less than words spoken by an angry child, at least for me.

As a parent, you aren't supposed to show the hurt. There are stages in child development when if a child knows something causes pain, it will be repeated in a bid for control. Through all the yelling and slammed doors, you're supposed to remain stoic. That's not an easy thing to do. I've slammed doors myself more than once (hey, I've never claimed to be a perfect mom) in response to a teenage tantrum. As much as I wish my teens came with an instruction manual, I don't think I'd have the patience to follow it.

So what do you do? How do you handle it when your child says something so hurtful?

You keep moving. You work past the hurt and remind yourself that words spoken in anger are regretted in calmer moments. You make yourself find the reason why they said such a hateful thing -- the hurt hiding behind the anger.

Beyond all else, you love.

This has been my entry for Week 6 of LJ Idol. The topic was Step On a Crack. Thank you for reading.

Comments

[basric.livejournal.com]

Absolute truth well done.

[dreamsreflected.livejournal.com]

This is great advice, whether or not it was meant as such. It's well written, and concise.

[itsjustc.livejournal.com]

As a parent, you aren't supposed to show the hurt. There are stages in child development when if a child knows something causes pain, it will be repeated in a bid for control. Through all the yelling and slammed doors, you're supposed to remain stoic.

I've learned something new with this! I don't have children so I don't know but what sort of ages are we talking about?

Also the saying you have used at the beginning isn't something that is said over here in the UK. (as far as I know!) so it makes for an interesting take on the topic.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It's a difficult age -- and yeah, all you can do is keep loving them and try to understand as much as you can.

[fourzoas.livejournal.com]

Wonderful reminders for those difficult parenting moments.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Not showing the hurt when hurtful things are said is tough. It's one of the hardest things a good parent typically faces, I think. :(

[catwomon.livejournal.com]

This is an interesting perspective. I do not have children, so this is somethng I can only experience through others, such as you.

[fodschwazzle.livejournal.com]

I've known the sting of having someone you invest everything into snap a bit, even without kids. Your story is no less true for other relationships. Good work.

[i-17bingo.livejournal.com]

My father was pretty serious about teaching us the power of words. I think there were experiences in his past he won't share that he doesn't want us to repeat.

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

That's a great advice for parenting troubles..*Hugs*

[finding_helena]

So this is what is ahead... mine are still in diapers. Good to know.

[favoritebean.livejournal.com]

As a parent, you aren't supposed to show the hurt. There are stages in child development when if a child knows something causes pain, it will be repeated in a bid for control.

I did not know this. I've not hesitated to show if it hurts to my child, because so far, it has sensitized her to be aware that actions and words have consequences.

I guess now, I'll have to rethink that a little.