Surgery schedule

Well, it's official. The doctor will be playing slice-n-dice on my left leg on Wednesday, August 5. All the pre-op stuff will be done on Friday, July 31 (aka the day after I pick Ro up from camp).

Nervousness is definitely setting in.

Letter to My Kids

Hey guys,

I just wanted to say thank you. You two have been through a hell of a lot with me. I appreciate all you've done to help me out.

Today we built a volcano together. I hope it's going to be a great memory for you as we get older. Kyle and I mixing the flour and water together into that sticky dough that absolutely refused to stick to the sides of plastic bottle in the middle; the three of us sitting together on the back patio, pouring baking soda and food coloring and vinegar into the center to get that great colored foam lava that flowed down the side, across the concrete and into the grass. You were both so excited, so happy watching that basic chemical reaction turn into geologic magic before your eyes.

You have no idea how much it means to me to see you both so happy.

Do you remember those long hours I spent working? I know it may be hard to understand, but I really did that for you. I worked those long hours to keep a roof over your heads, food on the table, clothes that fit and toys that sometimes stood up to you two playing with them. I never regretted working so much, but I did regret not getting to spend as much time with you as I’d have liked.

I've really loved being a stay-at-home mom for you. It still amazes me how much I can see you growing and changing every day. Knowing that you both actually want to spend time with me, that I haven't completely lost you yet to tween angst (although Rowan, I know you're trying) makes me value the time with you even more. I wish I had more energy to spend that time with you doing all the things we'd love to do. Still, I got to be there when Kyle caught his first two fish, and when Ro got caught up in getting ready for that first stint at summer camp. I am so blessed to experience all this with you.

Rowan, you are starting into one of the most difficult times of your life. I can already see the changes in you. I'm sad my little girl is growing up at the same time I'm incredibly pleased at the young woman you'll become. The next ten years of your life will put you through changes you can't even imagine now. The moodiness and bursts of anger will (heaven help me) get worse before they get better. There are going to be times when you feel unloved, unappreciated, isolated, and totally misunderstood by everyone around you, especially me. No matter how bad it gets, I will always love you. Even when you start slamming doors and punctuating every conversation with "I hate you!" I will love you. I loved the unborn child that used to kick in time with the music on the radio; I loved the toddler that used to pat my pregnant belly to tell her baby brother good night; I loved the five-year-old that hid her mashed potatoes in her backpack when my back was turned; I love the little smart-alec that's quickly developing a wit that rivals her parents' and I will love every person you become as you grow and change.

Kyle, you are my precious boy. You have this incredible gift to make people smile just by being you. I worry about you, sometimes, that life will rob you of the joy and empathy that define you so much. I hope that never happens--that you keep being the handsome, intelligent, sensitive guy you are now, no matter what age you are. I can't wait to see what kind of man you'll be when you grow up, how your interests will change over the years. You will always be one of my favorite people to cuddle and hold close. It means more to me than you know when you want to just be with me. I'm cherishing this while it lasts.

Both of you are the most amazing people. I hope you know that. You are the great loves and greatest blessings of my life. I'm so privileged to know you.

Love forever,
Mom


For theafaye's LJ Idol book, I was asked to write two additional essays. This was the third one I wrote.