LJ Idol Week 5: Bearing False Witness

[deza]

There's a gal out in Texas who decided that if she told her husband she had breast cancer, he wouldn't leave her. So she shaved her head and told everyone she was on chemo. The community was so moved by her situation they held a fundraiser to offset her medical bills and raised over $10,000. She used the money to get breast implants. The doctor performing the cosmetic surgery knew about the fundraiser, and called the police on her.

In 1991 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 20 when I found the lump, 21 when I went through surgery and two months of chemo. The first doctor told me it couldn't be cancer because it just didn't develop in women that young. He was wrong. I hid it from my friends, having lunch every day pretending life was normal and sneaking away two afternoons a week to be hooked to an IV of drugs. One of my friends was going through his own cancer battle at the time, and the last thing I wanted was to be perceived as drama queening by suddenly revealing my own problems. I wore baseball caps every day so no one would notice my rapidly thinning hair, and blessed the long sleeves that hid my bruises and IV marks. Only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother knew what was going on, and even they didn't know the full extent of the treatment. I can't imagine why anyone would fake going through the pain, fear and humiliation of that process.

Some still do. It's because of shysters playing the system that the process of applying for Social Security Disability Income is so difficult and often takes three to five years of repeated rejections, lawyers and court visits to finish. It's a whole lot of work for a payment that maxes out at less than $1000 a month.

Last month, I swallowed my pride and asked for financial help from my friends list. I'm still flabbergasted by how many people were willing to help out in a really rough situation. Of course every penny has been swallowed by Zombie!Move (it's still trying to eat my brain). As soon as we're settled, I'm going to start paying back a large amount of it. I've already started paying forward on the rest, as I can. I honestly couldn't live with myself if I didn't. There's something fundamentally wrong with taking money from people and giving nothing in return.

I hope Ms Trista Joy Lathern learns something from her experience. I hope she learns that there are good people out there, folks who are willing to give freely to help someone in need. I hope she learns that this generosity is something to be treasured and spread to others. The outpouring of love from the community is worth so much more than a selfish girl's vanity. It's a shame that her lies will taint the act of giving in the memories of the people she defrauded for years to come.

This has been my entry for Week 5 of LJ Idol. This was a difficult entry for me, and I seriously considered making this week a bye week. I highly recommend reading some of the other entries. There are some great, thought-provoking entries this week.

Comments

[oneonthefence.livejournal.com]

YES. What a terrible story, and it tears my heart out. It's like when a woman claims she's been raped - and hasn't been - for the attention. It takes away from those of us ARE sick, who HAVE been hurt, and wastes precious resources elsewhere.

I'm in the process of applying for SSDI (after 13 months of being too sick to work, and 13 months of being encouraged to do so - it was a hard thing for me to admit that I needed), and why someone would do that for a check that amounts to something like $800 a month is beyond me. It's easier to WORK than fill out these papers, wait in line, get poked and prodded when you already feel horrendous. Why people use sickness as a game is deplorable, a terrible cry for attention.

I'm glad you've survived your battles - all of them - and are in the process of getting settled elsewhere. And I love that you focus on the necessity of give and take, unlike so many others, who wonder how much they can take without any notion of what it means to give.

(PS - I almost made it a bye week, too, because what I wrote was kind of - personal. It happens. Glad you got one in, though).

[deza.livejournal.com]

The level of selfishness involved just boggles me.

I haven't been commenting, but I've been keeping up with your struggles and successes. Congratulations with the NaNo! I know you'll do just as well with the SSDI.

[oneonthefence.livejournal.com]

It's OK - you've been understandably busy.

Thank you on both counts! It was great to finish NaNo so early this year, and I hope the SSDI meeting goes well. I'm nervous, but I'm pretty sure that's common :) At least I already have an attorney on my side, which does help.

[deza.livejournal.com]

I may have passed this on already, but one friend of mine told me if she had her five-year SSDI fight to do over, she'd have gotten a lawyer first thing. Having him in your corner is one of the best things you could have done. It's kind of ironic--if you're sick enough to really need SSDI, you're probably too sick to manage the whole process on your own.

[oneonthefence.livejournal.com]

There was no way in hell I could do this alone. The paperwork - just the first 10 pages - has worn me out so much that I could break down. My attorney is hard to get in touch with (as most are - my dad's a lawyer, I know the process) but at least he is in my corner, telling me what to write and what appointments to attend and how to do what I'm doing. I'm not sure I'd know if I had to do this alone. But I couldn't do it by myself anymore. It took a long time to admit that I needed help, but now - I definitely need help. I'm just glad people are willing to give it and accept my thank yous (and a lot of good karma) right now, since I don't have much to give back in return but my love and respect.

[agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com]

There's people who keep asking - and there's people who receive and never even say a thanks. It's why I've been shy of giving some times when I could but I'd like to believe that not everyone is like that, and not everyone just wants to take.

And...you know what I told you that day :)

[deza.livejournal.com]

I remember. :)

I have a hard time asking for help. I just want to fix things without having to rely on outside sources, and it really bothers me when I can't.

[tfcocs.livejournal.com]

Dang---I had no idea you went through this! FWIW, I hope that your story is told outside the confines of LJ, what with the recent controversy about mammograms and self-exams.

I am curious: how did you manage to get the care that you needed, what with your first doctor being skeptical about the diagnosis? What would you tell others in that same situation today?

[deza.livejournal.com]

It was all blind luck. I found the lump when wrestling with my boyfriend--he pinned me and something didn't feel right. The first doctor said it was just a cyst, and if I gave up caffeine it would go away. Two months of no caffeine later (including no chocolate on Valentine's Day!), the darn thing grew. So when I went for my annual GYN exam, I mentioned it to that doctor. That afternoon I was in an oncologist's office, and I started chemo the next week.

Lesson learned--always get a second opinion.

[cheshire-bitten.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I mean your story could have been my story, I found a lump at 23, I was lucky, just a fatty tissue build but, but god, I wouldn't wish that week on anyone.

[deza.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad yours wasn't the worst. :)

[tattermuffin.livejournal.com]

I'd love to say I'm shocked but honestly it's hard to be shocked that there are so many unscrupulous selfish unthinking people.

Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength continues to amaze me. *hug*

[deza.livejournal.com]

It still boggles me. You'd think I'd be more jaded by now.

[jerel.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing this, especially as a warning to women who don't think to worry about breast cancer until middle age.

Good luck in LJ Idol this week.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. It was blind luck that I found it when I did; I hope other people take better care of themselves.

[kutiechick.livejournal.com]

When I'd heard about this woman who lied about having breast cancer, I was <>shocked and appalled.

Your story just broke my heart.

I hope that stories like this will encourage people to NOT lie in the future.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Breaking hearts is what it's all about. ;)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_mysticalelf/]

I totally enjoyed reading your entry.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[lady-autumnstar.livejournal.com]

I found a lump when I was in my early twenties. Thankfully I had a doctor who believed me and sent me on to a surgeon who dealt with the problem. It turned out to be a benign lump, but still, as has been said, I wouldn't wish that week on anybody.

[deza.livejournal.com]

It does scare the beejeebers out of you, doesn't it?

[lady-autumnstar.livejournal.com]

Oh, does it! My then-husband and I (married maybe a year) were still living in South Dakota, where he was finishing college. We had just driven down on spring break to visit my parents, so at least I was at home, with my folks and doctors I knew. I was scared enough without being amongst people I didn't trust.

[shadowwolf13]

It's people like her that make it hard for me to consider contributing when I can. Such a shame. :

[deza.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to bet she never even thought of the repercussions of her actions, either.

[shadowwolf13]

They never do. :(

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

Here in BC to get on disability the process isn't that long, but since I applied, there wasn't a whole long paperwork although I was choosen for the new paperwork a few years later for my doc to fill so I could still be on disability. No issues since then, although they did harrass me one time wondering if I still have my guide dog, they are very disorganized and never have the paperwork updated, third time when they held my check, I was furious and called Guide Dogs and they wrote a letter on my behalf! I haven't had an issue since then.... I got on disability three months after submitting my application, it is pretty quick up here as long as doc fills out the 24-page document ....

[deza.livejournal.com]

It must be nice to have a quick turnaround. I put in my paperwork in July and still haven't heard anything. Right now I'm just waiting for my rejection so I can move on to the appeal.

[liret.livejournal.com]

Up to a point I would be mostly sorry for a person like that, because faking a disease must be a sign of some really deep personal problems.

But when you use money people give you for plastic surgery? I can not work up any pity. I'm glad everyone now knows what a liar she is.

[majesticarky.livejournal.com]

Breast cancer is rough at any age... you're really brave and selfless for hiding it from everyone just so they don't see your pair. What a terrible and selfish person to cheat a fund raiser like that, and same goes for the people who try to fake getting on disability. thanks for sharing your story, the comparison to the people who cheat having an illness was really affective.

[onda-bianca.livejournal.com]

I couldn't imagine someone making up something like that, unbelievable!

I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through...