Momming

[deza]

So, my 11-year-old daughter is on her first "date." She's going to a local buffet place with the walking corpseboyfriend and his family, as well as two other friends from school. I've met the boy's father, and other than naming his son after the King of Evil from Legend of Zelda he seems like a nice guy. He's an officer at the air station where we almost ended up living.

No, the boy does not have a chin curtain. He's 12 for cripes' sake!

I didn't go on my first date until I was 17, so this seems like starting a bit early to me. Still, nice family, in a group, with a 9pm curfew - she'll be fine.

I've actually put a lot of thought into Ro dating. A lot of the problems I had in college came from not knowing how to date. I didn't date at all in high school, when most people are learning the "rules" of going out, so when I got to college I believed anything anyone told me. That didn't always end well. When I tried to ask Mom about things... well, you can imagine how badly that went. Having a parent tell you that you deserved to be raped for walking alone in a parking lot isn't pleasant, believe me. There are reasons I've spent a good chunk of my adult life in therapy.

There's a better-than-average chance I won't be here when Ro's going through her college dating. Since I can't be sure I'll be here to advise her then, I'm doing everything I can to make sure she has a good grounding in Life 101. Maybe it's rushing things a bit to let her "go out" now; I see it as giving her a chance to se what it's like while I'm up to debriefing her afterwards. If she has a solid gounding in how these social interactions work now, then she's far less likely to end up with the problems I faced later on. The girl is already bustier I was in college; there's no way she's going to make it through high school without running into a few sleazebags. Hopefully she's going to figure out early on how to tell the good guys from the jerks. Maybe we can save a little wear and tear on her heart by teaching her about good choices now.

I don't know if this makes me a good mom, a bad mom, an indifferent mom or what. The one thing I do know is that being kept in ignorance as a girl leads to problems as an adult, and the best I can do is make sure I don't repeat the mistakes my mother made. Hopefully I'm not making worse mistakes in the process.

Comments

[snpdiva.livejournal.com]

I think you are DEFINITELY making the right choice here. My parents had absolutely zero idea what went on in my head (and with my boyfriends) during my early teen years. I think that getting her started while you are around to talk with her and give her support is a great idea. Teach her about making good choices for herself---real choices, not just preaching abstinance.